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the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
