if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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