you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
