is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
