i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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