i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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