I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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