He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
