Pappa wants mamma naked
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
