I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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