I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
