Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
