I just saw a hot homeless man
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize