oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
