I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
