flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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