it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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