today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
