It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i've created a new STD.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize