i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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