no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
