He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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