You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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