Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
