i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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