Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
