Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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