PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
nutella sex= disaster
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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