Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
