dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
