DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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