i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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