I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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