I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
