I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
