We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
