We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
ttyl tear gas
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
