the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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