Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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