The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
