I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize