You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize