Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
