It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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