The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
