did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
