I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
