he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
