I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
