is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
