what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
