The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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