I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
