My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
