you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
