Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
