So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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