oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
