sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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