where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
