I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
