Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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