I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
