you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
