Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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