she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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