Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
