i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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