belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
