the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
