We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
