help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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